he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
