So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
