I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
