Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
