every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So here I am, sexting at work.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
