No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
