I'm drive I can fine osifer
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
