why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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