we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
