How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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