He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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