She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
