Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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