people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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