I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i will never coherently bang her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
