In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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