my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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