I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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