You're so nebulous sometimes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
