When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
