let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
