1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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