I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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