He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
