This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
