o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
