I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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