How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
