cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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