I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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