Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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