I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
