You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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