The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
