Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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