I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
