I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
