Acid is not a monday night drug
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His hands were made for my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
