I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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