and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
