I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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