I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
