I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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