This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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