new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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