and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
