8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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