oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
