the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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