i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So much Jack, so little girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
