he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
