I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My ATM looks so different sober.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
