you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
