Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
