The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
