i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
