I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
