So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
