and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
