The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
