I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
