I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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