kristin has been a bad kristin
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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