My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
