so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
