Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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