Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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