She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Come on in and take your pants off
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