I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
