The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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