he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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