He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
