Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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