So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
