and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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