i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
