so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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