I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
