I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
