In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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